Going to College to Find a Mate

There has been a huge kerfuffle about a recent op-ed in which a Princeton alumna gave advice to women about the advisability of finding a mate in college.  Here piece, Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had, has been met with skepticism by some -- Read This or Die Alone -- and praise by others -- Susan Patton Told the Truth.  Although I have enjoyed reading the debate about women, their future and feminism, most of the media has missed the real story, in my humble opinion.

The story here is not that Ivy League women should be busy finding a husband.  On the contrary, Ivy League women should not waste their time.  Although they might ultimately find love and happiness with a classmate, the truth is that the men with whom they go to school are probably not quite fully baked as adults, at least not yet.  Keep in touch with them, sure.  Be friends, maybe date.  Marry?  Don't think about it for at least five years.

Men, on the other hand, are the ones missing the boat.  They are going to school with attractive, interesting, and motivated women -- women who are as a group probably well ahead of their male peers in the "getting their act together" department.  Have you met the women at elite colleges recently?  They are one together group.  If Ivy League men were truly intelligent, they would hook their wagon to one of their classmates and be better off for it.  It is not the women who should be chasing the men down the aisle, but the men who should be wooing the women.  Ms. Patton, in my view, has things exactly backwards.

A few years back, I gave a graduation speech at my high school -- an all boys school in the Midwest.  If you are going to get married, I told the boys, follow two simple rules: 1)  marry someone who is more intelligent than you are; and 2) listen to the person you marry.  I followed Rule #1 and married a classmate.  I am not always so good about Rule #2, much to my detriment.  These are sound and simple rules, rules that the Ivy League men Ms. Patton thinks women should find so alluring would be wise to follow.