When to Talk About ‘It’
We can barely get it together to celebrate one holiday in our house, KJ. I'm impressed you can celebrate two! As you know, I’m not in an interfaith marriage. I’m a Jew married to a Jew; our daughters went to Jewish preschool. We light the candles every night; discuss the story and sing some songs; then hide presents for the kids. We try to have non-Jews over as often as possible, because it keeps everybody on their toes; it’s more fun; and it encourages a fresh take on the tradition. That’s one of reason I’m all for interfaith marriages, as contradictory as that may seem. They’re living laboratories of coexistence that model behavior the rest of us are still trying to figure out. It's no wonder 40 percent of Americans are in one.
Why do adults squirm when religion is discussed?
So to be clear: What troubles me about the holidays is not unique to interfaith families; many single faith families share it as well. It's the idea that since parents are uncomfortable talking about religion, spirituality and God, we leave it out of the holiday all together. Why sully the fun! Sure, maybe the moment of gift giving is not the best time to have these conversations. The kids would likely tune you out anyway. And recounting the sanitized version of Hanukkah or the one about Mary, Joseph and the manger is not what I'm talking about.
We had an interesting moment on the first night of Hanukkah. After we talked through the story, I asked, “What role did God play?” The three 7-year-olds all raised their hands to respond; the only person to squirm was my wife. To me, that captures it. Kids are curious, engaged, opinionated; we’re the ones bringing all the baggage. The holidays bring together family, emotion, history, all things vital to exploring the biggest questions in life. That’s exactly the moment to talk about faith. Just because you have a problem with religion (and who doesn't!), why take it out on God? So here's my question: Would it work if you left God out of the gifts but found time to ask your kids what questions they have on the topic at this time of year?
Click here for the whole NYT piece.
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