Here is a guest post from Rena Hedeman:
Nine and a half years ago, my life was threatened in childbirth. I clearly remember thinking between contractions, “I guess maybe this is my time to go.” The atmosphere in the hospital room was tense, as doctors spoke with each other in hushed groups, trying to figure out exactly what was wrong and what to do about it. My husband fed me ice chips, saying things like “C’mon Rena, stay strong, you gotta get through this. We need you,” referring to himself and our two young daughters, then aged two and four.
When you come face to face with your own mortality, you involuntarily look back over your life and assess whether or not you lived this gift called life full out with passion, intention, and love. I wasn’t scared, angry, or worried about me as I contemplated my potential demise – I knew I had lived a full, wonderful life with many amazing opportunities, people, and love. I had no regrets looking back (which is a gift in and of itself).
But I wanted to be there in the future to help raise my daughters. I wanted to be there to love them, guide them, teach them, learn from them. I wanted to watch them grow and blossom. I wanted to have a positive impact on their lives.
The good news is that I made it through that scary ordeal and am here today. The bad news is that our precious baby girl, Liza Longstreth Hedeman, passed away a few hours after she was born, a result of a massive infection that had suddenly and unexpectedly mushroomed inside of me. Even only knowing her for a few hours, I “knew” Liza for so much longer than that, as any mother who has carried a baby can understand. I knew her kicks, her habits, her sleep patterns, her little personality.
When you lose a child, you lose a part of yourSELF. And although time, prayer, psychotherapy, and still more time help heal the pain, it never really goes away. I miss Liza, my dear sweet innocent baby girl, and all the unrealized dreams and smiles and love her future represented. I still talk to her in my dreams, hug her in my mind, and love her intensely in my heart. And even though this happened more than nine years ago, I sometimes still cry for her in the dark.
Intellectually I know her loss wasn’t my fault. But as a female, a woman feels this innate biological responsibility to create life, to bring it into the world, nurture it, help it grow and get stronger. That’s a woman’s special gift to the world. And although I don’t blame myself, part of my intense sadness comes from knowing that my body failed her. I was unable to nurture her and keep her safe.
But I made a vow that day – to Liza and to myself – that from that day on I would make every day matter. No more living on autopilot! No more waiting for “someday” to follow my dreams! No more wishing life away by thinking “can’t wait for the weekend” or “can’t wait ‘til the kids are a bit older and more independent”! No!
When you look death in the face, you realize that life is right here. Life is right now. And life itself is such an amazing gift! Even the struggles, even the pain. For it’s the pain that enables us to be reborn as a stronger, wiser, more loving, more self-aware, more appreciative, more giving, more present individual.
But we don’t have to come face-to-face with death or have tragedy befall us personally to grow and become stronger. The stories and photos this past week of the devastation and destruction caused by Hurricane Sandy are enough to make even the toughest among us get teary and shake our heads in utter dismay.
Why me? we may ask when it happens to us or someone we love. How do I handle this? Where do I go from here? How can I go on?
When tragedy causes us to crumble, to drop to our knees in complete vulnerability, and to surrender, that’s when we begin to find our strength. It’s the rebuilding of our lives hour by hour, day by day, brick by brick, that transforms us into a new person with new eyes, new ways of seeing things, new ways of living and being.
It’s the two steps forward and one step back that we experience along our journey as we pick up the pieces and begin to create a new life. And it’s the outpouring of compassion, love and generosity from friends, family, and complete strangers that nourishes our soul and strengthens our resolve to get back on our feet.
As human beings, that’s our greatest gift and our greatest source of strength – whether we’re the one in pain or the onlooker – it’s the compassion, love, kindness, and generosity.
So my plea to you right now, wherever you are, is to reach out. Whether you’re suffering or witnessing others in pain, lend a hand, listen, ask how you can help, spread some love, be of value. Life’s greatest challenges and heartbreaks can turn into life’s most enduring and strengthening gifts.
“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” – Sir Winston Churchill
“Find yourself and express yourself in your own particular way. Express your love openly. Life is nothing but a dream, and if you create your life with love, your dream becomes a masterpiece of art.” – don Miguel Ruiz
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle
